


Fragile like Glass

by hourglassmermaid



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Good Boyfriend Alec Lightwood, Implied Sexual Content, Insecure Magnus Bane, Insecurity, Introspection, M/M, Mention of past relationships, Non-Linear Narrative, POV Magnus Bane, Vulnerability
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-08
Updated: 2018-04-08
Packaged: 2019-04-19 19:58:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 979
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14244654
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hourglassmermaid/pseuds/hourglassmermaid
Summary: “By the end of our first meeting, I was already half in love with him,” Magnus tells a few of his party guests.Alec comes up behind him and presses a soft kiss to his cheek as he hands Magnus a martini glass. “Only half?” As his joke lands, he flashes one of those uninhibited, lopsided smiles, flooding his whole face with sunlight, and Magnus forgets how to breathe. It’s a playful jest; Alec’s just teasing him, but if he only knew just how right he is.The last several centuries haven't been kind to Magnus, but now, Alec continuously reminds him how much he's loved. It's a lot to get used to, but Magnus is working on it.





	Fragile like Glass

**Author's Note:**

> So, I was listening to Hayley Kiyoko's new album, [Expectations](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q10H1fU2KtE&list=PLmEg17xnLWsvEywqqY3fh8XRbYjp0IXY-), and it inspired me to write a fic exploring Magnus' vulnerabilities, and this is what came out of it~
> 
> Beta read by my parabatai [Meyer](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Meyer). You should all scream at her on [twitter](https://twitter.com/prime_maia) and [tumblr](http://egos-pathos.tumblr.com/)!
> 
> Title comes from [Wanna Be Missed](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xoioe7lJR4I) by Hayley Kiyoko

Magnus doesn’t know when it began. When he stopped fearing Alec would leave and started fearing maybe he never would. The longer people stay, the worse it gets. Harder, devastating, and unsalvageable. Magnus has lived long enough to know that relationships end or they don’t, and if his relationship with Alec remains, Magnus will die with him. His own fate intertwined with Alec’s the moment they vanquished that Circle member. Magnus is drowning, consumed with Alexander, but he’ll never come up for air. Not when Alec keeps surprising him. 

“We should host a party,” Alec suggests one night. 

Magnus looks up at him from where his head rests in Alec’s lap as Alec absentmindedly twirls his fingers in Magnus’ hair. “Why? You hate parties.” 

“Because you love them.” 

Magnus isn’t used to this. Camille used to order him around like a dog, and Magnus was always at her beck and call. Imasu never learned the truth; he believed Magnus was ethereal, fleeting and let him go without looking back. Etta wouldn’t stay.

Alec is nothing like any of them. 

“By the end of our first meeting, I was already half in love with him,” Magnus tells a few of his party guests. 

Alec comes up behind him and presses a soft kiss to his cheek as he hands Magnus a martini glass. “Only half?” As his joke lands, he flashes one of those uninhibited, lopsided smiles, flooding his whole face with sunlight, and Magnus forgets how to breathe. It’s a playful jest; Alec’s just teasing him, but if he only knew just how right he is. 

“Wow,” the High Warlock of Abu Dhabi remarks, “How’d you manage to find a shadowhunter with a sense of humor?” 

Magnus wonders that too. Lilith below, Magnus knows he doesn’t deserve him. Magnus, a monster, a wildfire consuming and destroying everything his cursed hands touch, and Alec, an angel, his shelter, smothering Magnus’ flames with a gentle embrace. 

Instead of telling her all this, Magnus simply smiles and laughs, “Oh, I guess I’m just lucky.” 

“Well, he’s a keeper.” 

Magnus will never let go. 

It starts somewhere deep in his bones and never settles. Alec’s presence, his touch, grounds Magnus, and Magnus will never get enough — an addict hooked on stamina runes and witchlight. With Alec tracing circles along his back, the world doesn’t seem so harsh, so loud, so much. Without Alec, everything feels wrong. 

The late night patrols are the worst; when Magnus lies awake with nothing but his own thoughts. The empty space beside him feels like a chasm — foreboding and unknown. His bed is simultaneously as warm and familiar as an embrace from a lover and as foreign as a kiss from a stranger. It’s a never ending battle of, “Will this be the night?” and, “He’ll be okay. He has to be.” 

But then Alec walks through the door, dragging in dirt and mud and ichor, and Magnus swears he has never looked more beautiful as all of the day’s anxieties melt away and are replaced with miles of Alexander. 

“Hey, you’re still up.” Alec pretends to be surprised as if this isn’t their weekly ritual. 

“I missed you.” 

It’s not enough, but Magnus will never be able express how deeply feels. It would take a bard, an artist waxing poetic about his angel to even come close. But it still wouldn’t be enough. Nothing will ever be enough. 

Alec shucks off his boots and sheds his clothing, layer by layer, exposing himself to Magnus without hesitation, and all of the other reasons this man terrifies him so come rushing forward. Alec crawls on top of him, gazing down at him with such adoration before gently grazing his lips against Magnus’ forehead. The way Alec looks at him makes him want to run, to hide, to scream. He hopes Alec never stops looking. 

“I love you,” Alec whispers. 

He shouldn’t. He deserves so much more.

“I love you too.” 

Wrapped in arms so tender, his bed feels like home once again. 

Alec makes love the way he fires an arrow: with unwavering enthusiasm and tantalizing precision. He’ll spend hours indulging Magnus with his tongue, unraveling him piece by piece until Magnus is delirious with the sensation. Writhing underneath him, with the slide of skin against skin as a sweet release. Every moan, every sigh, every languid gasp of his name crescendos into a symphony Magnus will never stop craving. Surrendering under Alec’s touch comes as naturally as his magic. 

Alec never takes, only gives and gives, ever eager to please. Magnus has had attentive lovers before, but none who worship him like his Alexander. Feeling valued, feeling cherished; it’s amazing and agonizing and all so new and all so much — 

“Baby,” Alec pauses, voice dripping with concern, “Baby, look at me.”

Magnus can’t. He knows what he’ll find in those hazel eyes. 

“Please.” Alec caresses his cheek, fingers kissing the tears starting to fall. “What’s wrong?”

Everything. 

“Why me?” Magnus asks, “Out of everyone else on this God forsaken planet, why me?” 

“Because I love _you_.” 

Alec never hesitates when he’s sure about something, just lets himself fall. And he’s sure about Magnus — by the grace of some force Magnus certainly does not deserve — he’s sure about Magnus. It’s not enough. Magnus wants to know why, _needs_ to know why, so he won’t fuck this up. So he can hold onto this forever. 

“You could have anyone you wanted.” 

“None of them would be you.” 

He draws Magnus to his chest, and Magnus wonders how he’d ever go on without Alec’s heartbeat to guide him, like a clock ticking, bringing him home. He murmurs words like, ‘love’ and ‘only’ and ‘life’ in between kisses, and Magnus dissolves. 

“Please never leave me,” Magnus prays. 

“I never will. Not in this life or any other.” 

For once, Magnus believes him.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed!!! Comments are always loved and appreciated :)
> 
> If you wanna yell at me about Shadowhunters or Hayley, come find me on [tumblr](http://hourglassmermaid.tumblr.com/) and [twitter](https://twitter.com/izzylightbane)! I'd love to hear from y'all!


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